Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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