Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
