eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
