so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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