everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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