There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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