How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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