And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
