what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
