at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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