The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
