I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
