I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
