He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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