I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Never underestimate the power of titties
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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