I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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