just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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