sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
