well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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