holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
