I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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