Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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