so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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