Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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