There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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