I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
