ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
