the condom got lost in my hair
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Everclear isn't food dammit
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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