What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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