sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
