is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
