A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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