sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
