and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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