He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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