u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
