Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
