I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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