he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
