i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
