the new term for farting is butt boxing.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
