I need help removing her.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
