At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
