I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
