It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
