question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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