there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize