So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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