It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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