We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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