she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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