he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Quick, to the slutcave!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
