Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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