We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
