Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
