so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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