4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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