If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
