True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
