I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
