apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
