It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize