There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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