I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
